Help!

So , I've got nothing else to report on the family member previously mentioned.  It is clear it was a sibling, because now he has gone to a different city for school again.  I think at this point, a little bit of distance will be better for us so we don't have so many expectations of one another.  We actually get along better this way (at least for now) so I'm going to put this to rest.


I feel like I have been really down in the dumps lately.  Great timing.  I was hoping while I had this time off from school that I would find peace with myself and be more than ready for a strong start this coming semester.  Well, I was wrong.  Instead, I'm finding myself bored, unhappy, indecisive, lethargic, and extremely emotional for absolutely NO reason at all.  In reality, it actually seemed like school was letting me ignore the way I've been feeling.


I am finding that I would love nothing more than to have someone to talk to who actually listens, or suggest we do something besides going out to have a drink.  Drinking can be a fun time, but realistically, it doesn't solve problems like people think it does.  And it makes me gain weight, which is another issue I seem to be battling lately ever since I quit smoking two months ago.  Seriously, giving up cigarettes is hard enough, why does it have to come with such a shitty side effect?   


Anyway, back to those people.  I have friends and  I love my friends, but sometimes it feels like they only want to be there to join me through the good times and then leave me hanging when I feel like things are going wrong or I need someone to talk to.  I hate that.  Don't get me wrong - they're not all like that.  (I make this special exception for my Rican, because even though we live in different cities, she is there for more as much as she can be.)  I guess that goes to show why I've always believed that when all else fails, the only person I would have is myself.     


I know I'll bounce back (or I'm confident I will, anyway) but I guess at this point it is difficult for me to figure out where to start, or why I've been feeling like this in the first place.  I need to sort this out and pull it together, but I'm not sure sure I know where to begin...






Help! - The Beatles

You're So Vain...

People change.  Things change.  I obviously know that.  Usually people intentionally try to change for the better, while others change for the worse without even realizing it.  How do you tell someone that without them flying off the handle?  I feel like its a dirty job that someone has to do, but I think it is challenging to tell someone they've changed without them having a poor reaction.  Especially when they're family.  


It is pretty unfortunate when you see someone who is normally down-to-earth and laid back turn into a selfish, arrogant, self-absorbed, plain-ol' mean person.  (I even feel awkward writing those words in regards to the person in mind.)  It sucks and it really bothers me because I feel like I am starting to miss an old version of a person that I am never going to get back.  Obviously in describing those character traits though, there is no easy way to really tell someone that this is the way you now feel about them.  


I'm thinking that maybe they're just going through a phase and that these new found character traits will just breeze by and he'll revert to his old, more personable ways.  I do wonder though, if I can see this, how many other people around me feel the same way?








You're So Vain - Carly Simon

Typical Situation

Emotionally unavailable.  Have you heard that one before?  I've been there.  I've witnessed other people go through it.  They haven't gotten over their exes who have moved on.  They're "scared" of a commitment.  They're into someone who isn't into them, but won't give up.

 What.the.hell?

I guess when people are in this situation, they are so focused on dwelling on these feelings that they don't even realize that they're shutting themselves out from the rest of the world and other opportunities.  Or maybe that's just how I'm seeing it.  Maybe these people DO realize that they are shutting themselves out, and have no intention whosoever to move on anytime soon.  

Obviously I bring this up because I am attracted to someone who is "emotionally unavailable."  All signs point in that direction anyway.  Woof.  I really didn't see that one coming.  We do have a great time when we are together and he is incredibly easy to talk to and get along with.  I love hanging out with him! 

I'm pretty sure this situation screams, "I'm going to be in the friend-zone f-o-r-e-v-e-r."

Call me selfish, but I am incredibly tired of being number two.  I've played that role before, and shit - we all know it sucks to be second best.  I don't even want to come close to putting myself in a situation of that nature.  Also, I think its tricky to just be the friend who is "there for you, no matter what."  How is that even possible when you have feelings for the guy talking about his ex?  Bad idea.

Long story short - this is going on the back burner.  I'm certainly not going to try and pursue something that would clearly be over before it even started.  At least not right now.  Maybe this will be something to talk about (on a happier note) in the future.






Typical Situation - Dave Matthews Band

Time

Thank goodness there are only two weeks left in this summer semester.  I still feel overwhelmed and unfocused, and the end of every semester always brings out the crazy in me.  My stress level goes through the roof and I seem more like a chicken with my head cut off rather than myself.  At this point, I am in desperate need of some "me time," without having to worry about meeting due dates and being punctual.  


I just want to have some time to myself to remember all of the things I used to enjoy doing - taking pictures, going out to lunch with friends, finishing books quicker, getting my nails done, taking spontaneous road trips, etc. etc.  I have never been one to be great with time management, so a lot of my extra curricular activities seem to go out the window while I am so focused on school.  


I know that being back in school and trying to finally finish my education IS now part of who I am and that it is hard work.  At the same time, I really need to work on those time management skills so I can still be successful with school, but also enjoy other aspects of my life.  I miss certain parts of my life, and now that I am realize which parts of it I want back, it should be easier to get to the place I want to be and move forward.  




Time - Pink Floyd