Here I am...

So it's been almost two weeks since the last time I wrote - again - SORRY!!  I have been trying to keep up with my school work because I am pretty sure I have a great chance at making the dean's list.  Yay!  Something I never ever thought I'd see in my life!  I don't want to count my eggs before they hatch with that one, so until the end of the semester, I'm just going to keep working hard and wait to see what happens!

I also finally got a part-time job.  It is in retail of course (and I really can't say where because the company is a little weird with their guidelines for being talked about on the internet? so I don't really want to mess with that) and definitely not exactly what I wanted, but it will do for now!!  The job is seasonal so I will probably only be there until the beginning of January.  At least while I'm still looking for another job I am getting paid in the meantime.  I hope something else comes along because working at this store just doesn't cut it for me - even if it is temporary.  Oh well.  I should be grateful to finally have a job at this point and stop bitching. 

Once again, I am watching my friend's dog for the week while he is in Florida.  I swore up and down that I would not do it again, but I said yes anyway.  This is the LAST TIME and I mean it!  I am not a huge fan of dogs at all, but for a puppy he is actually pretty well behaved.  I think the main problem is the amount of time and attention dogs need that stresses me out.  I feel like I have to stay up late to go let him out, and then wake up again early to do the same.  My sleep schedule gets really messed up and I find myself using a lot of my free time just to catch up on sleep.  He'll be back in less than two days though, so the job is almost done!! :-)

That's about all for now...I have plenty more things to talk to about, but I really didn't want to have a long ass drawn out blog with everything just rolled into one.  I'll catch everything up though VERY soon!

Break on Through (To the Other Side)

Okay so I really, really slacked off during October writing my blog.  I'm sorry!  If anything I have been keeping quite busy around here.  School has been great and I am doing better than I ever could have imagined in my classes.  I had a tough time with one of them, ultimately making the decision to drop the class so it didn't hurt my GPA.  Also:  I changed my major.  Surprise, surprise!  I decided to change it to business, which is what I was majoring in when I originally went to college 6 years ago.  On the bright side, this won't set me back at all because I have more credits that are eligible to transfer from my previous college to my current one.  Yay!  If anything this will only help me graduate earlier rather than later.

I still haven't landed that part time job.  That definitely sucks, but at least people are actually calling me back and I have had a few interviews.  Even though most of the work right now is seasonal and in retail, at least it will be something to bring in a little bit of cash while I am still looking for something more permanent while I am still in school.  We'll see how that goes!  If anything, I hope I get to do the work study program at my college so I can just work there throughout the duration of my academic career.  I'll keep you posted on that!  

Another slight bummer:  a few of my favorite bands, such as moe., Phish, and Dave Matthews all have falls tours and I haven't been able to go to any of them of course since I don't currently have any income.  That is kind of depressing, but hey, what can I do?  There's always next year and many more shows to come.  A friend of mine is lucky enough to be going to the Roger Waters show down in Tampa in about two weeks.  Lucky, lucky, LUCKY!  I couldn't be happier for him though because I know that show is going to be amazing.  

I don't know if any of you keep track of College Football, but living in Syracuse this has been a much, much more successful season than the past few.  If we win this weekend, we should be able to go to a bowl game this year!  We currently have the best record in the Big East.  Who would have thought?  How exciting!  I'm hoping to go to the game this weekend against Louisville.  If not, I'll probably just tag along and go for the tailgating festivities before the game.  Why not right?!  I may as well go show some Orange pride even if I can't physically get into the game!  

Another random, but happy event:  one of my best friends is pregnant with her first child!  She is extremely excited and I am so happy for her.  It is too early to tell what she's having, but she has a feeling it will be a girl.  We'll see!  She also asked me to be the Godmother, and of course I said YES!  I was very honored.   

Well, that's pretty much all I have for now - I at least wanted to post and make it known that I am still here!  :-)

Break on Through (To the Other Side) - The Doors

So What?

I am BACK from West Virginia!  Not much to talk about there.  It was relaxing and a good time filled with friends, food, beer, cards, and football.  Fabulous. :-)

Anyway, sometimes I really hate when I have the feeling of missing someone,  especially when it is someone you feel like you really shouldn't miss.  I know I bring this topic up time and time again (and maybe too much) but it frequently crosses my mind.  

 

Lately, when I think of this person in particular (we'll just call him "Bobby") my mind instantly wanders to the good times, though far and few, that we had.  We pretty much did the same bullshit things everyday: go to shows, prepare for shows, drink, sleep in, work (I worked), lay in bed, etc.  Granted at that time in my life, everything seemed like so much fun.  

So in the middle of letting my brain wander into the past, something inside snapped.  I was driving home from school and had the radio on.  The Pink song, So What? was coming through the speakers.  One part in the middle really put me in check and let me know that walking away and completely removing myself from the situation with this "Bobby" guy was the best thing I could have done for myself.  The part I'm talking about went like this:

"You weren't there

You never were

You want it all

But that's not fair

I gave you life

I gave my all

You weren't there

You let me fall.."

EXACTLY!!  I'm so glad I heard that.  I needed a little reminder.  A reminder that he really didn't care.  That everything always revolved around him and his needs.  I gave 110% and if I was lucky, he may have given 10%.  He never listened to me or asked me about myself.  I'm sure he really didn't (and still doesn't) know much about me despite the 2 1/2 years we spent in each others lives.  How sad, really.  

It was also a reminder that I shouldn't settle for someone or lower my standards for a person who truly doesn't appreciate me for who I am.  That's exactly what I did, and I'm never going to do that again.  I'm glad I finally realize this; it was just the push over the edge that I needed to stop second guessing my decision and move on...

And of course, for your viewing and listening pleasure...  :-)

So What - P!nk 

Just catchin' up....

Okay so it's almost that mid-term point at school this semester.  I've gotta say, its actually been going quite well!!  I've been pretty successful in my classes and have been enjoying going.  Well you all know that.  Now - I didn't expect this to be any sort or cake walk (because obviously that's part of the reason why I've previously failed!!)  I have one class, which happens to be my Medical Terminology class that has really been stressing me out like it is nobody's business.  Of course, I thought it was just me.  Until I was sitting in another one of my classes and overheard several women having a conversation I couldn't resist jumping into.  They all felt the exact same way I did; we shared mutual feelings of being overwhelmed, confused, and just overall stressed out about the class day in and day out.  I was also under the impression that some of the school advisers or program directors had a chat with the professor.  I'm not really sure though, so we'll see what happens!

On to the next thing - last Sunday was a lot of fun.  If you didn't know yet, I absolutely love football, and that is what my Sundays are devoted to.  A few of my friends and a got together and spent the day together watching football and of course, drinking (maybe too much, hahaha.)  We even went as far as to bust out the good ol' beer pong table and play a few games.  It happens!  We definitely had a blast and I hate to say it, but by the time the last wave of people showed up around 10:00pm, I vaguely remember what I could have possibly chatted with them about.  Fabulous.  Oh well.  It was still a really fun time, I just wish we all got together more often!

And since we are on the topic of football, I have been pretty torn dealing with the fact that I am an Eagles fan, but more importantly a Donovan McNabb fan.  I wasn't sure what I was going to do on Sunday when the Redskins and the Eagles faced off.  Well it was clear once the game started, that I was hoping and praying McNabb would end up on top, and he DID!!  Good for him.  Especially with Michael Vick coming out early in the game, it was karma that I felt like the Eagles deserved for trading McNabb in the first place.  Ha. Good luck with Kevin Kolb, he's pretty much a freakin' mess.  They better hope Vick can come back soon because despite what anyone may think of him personally, he is getting the job done there in Philly; he's a hell of a quarterback!!

ALSO: pretty hot off the press - let's talk about RANDYYYY!!! Randy Moss is going BACK to Minnesota!! I definitely didn't see that coming AT ALL.  It happened so fast!! It'll be interesting to see what happens with both the Minnesota Vikings and the New England Patriots!  Either way, I hope it only helps Moss' career as he is another fantastic player. 

Anyhow, not that any of you probably want to hear me ramble on about football throughout this whole thing - I am actually taking a spontaneous road trip with my sister tonight to West Virginia!  It is definitely a state I never thought I'd visit, but hey, I'm open to new opportunities all of the time!  So I'll let you know how that goes, I'll be back on Monday!!

 

Yakety Yak

Okay sorry I have been MIA for just over a week now!!  I really had a tough time this past week trying to keep up with my mountain of school work and give my friend's dog the constant attention he needed.  I made it though!! It was really exhausting and it was a long week, but I didn't mind as much as I thought I would.  The dog was actually really good for me, so that made me extremely happy!  Now that I'm caught up on sleep and school work (for now) I can get back to doing things I enjoy doing during my free time.   

 

School has been going really well.  I'm so excited that I am actually doing things right this time around and have been staying focused.  YESSS!!  Knowing that helps me realize I have been doing a pretty good job of  keeping my priorities straight.  I'm not bored with my classes yet and I love going to school.  I love it!  I may sound cheesy but I don't even care.  I'm still proud of myself for working hard!!

With that being said, and friend of mine and myself were having a conversation about the people we used to be.  The people we were before we were both in our last relationships.  (Or as I like to call mine, a "situation.")  Its amazing how you can change as a person and not even realize it.  I let myself go quite a bit.  I let all of my walls down and put my trust into a person that, in the long run, didn't even seem to care...at all.  I'm not going to get into that blah, blah too much right now.  I mean, you kind of get it.  Long story short, I've just slowly been trying to get back to being the person I was before.  I really liked that girl, and I know she's still around here somewhere.  

On another note (and a happy one!) a fellow blogger, Жингер (the Jinger)

has given my very first blogging award!  How exciting!!

  Now, as far as this goes, this is how it works:

1. Accept the award. Post it on your blog with the name of the person who has granted the award and his or her blog link.
2. Pay it forward to 10 other bloggers that you have newly discovered.
3. Contact those blog owners and let them know they've been chosen.

 

Okay so I am fairly new to this right now, so I do not have my 10 nominees for this award yet.  I promise you all, I will have this done in one of my posts in the very near future!  Thanks again for the recognition!! I really appreciate it!  :-) 

 

 

 Love this oldie :-)

Yakety Yak - The Coasters

 

 

Who let the dogs out?!

Well today one of my best friends took off to Florida for the week.  He has family down there, so him taking this trip is pretty normal.  Usually he goes anywhere from 4-10 times a year.  When he is gone, I take care of his cat, grab the mail, etc. Typical house sitting chores.  So of course, he is taking off and I agreed to do this for him again.  Except one thing is different this time; he got a puppy about a month ago.   

I should have said "No can do, I'm leaving town too."

But I'm not, so I didn't.

WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?!

I am extremely nervous about this.  A puppy?  Now he is about 18 weeks old, and he is pretty much potty trained and what not, but I have no real experience with dogs or puppies whatsoever.

 

I don't have any pets right now.

When I was growing up, we had a golden lab that was my Aunt's that we took care of for about 2 years. I was about 7.  I didn't take care of the dog.

Other than that, my mother never wanted to have pets.  The extent of having pets was fish, and I was okay with that.  I love fish.  Why not?  They swim in a tank; they're not loud.  They don't shed.  You feed them and when or if necessary, you clean their tank.  One dies, you buy another.  You get it.  I love having fish.

So this is why I am freaking out.  

I am the girl that gets nervous when dogs jump on her because I am afraid that they are going to attack me, bite me, scratch one of my eyes out, or knock me over.  Dogs usually "sense" that I am scared of them or something and so they tend to keep jumping on me and make my life a paranoid hell when I am around them.  Okay I know I  sound crazy, but I can't help it.  They scare me.

Now I also have several other thoughts going through my mind while he is gone:

What if he gets loose and I can't catch him?

What if he gets sick?

What if I can't get there on time and he has an accident in the house?

What if he rips something, like furniture, to shreds?

What if he goes crazy and rips me to shreds?!?!

What if I don't go and take care of him enough times a day?

How long am I supposed to stay and "play" with the puppy?

Do I take him for walks?

I could go on and on, but I'll just stop right there.

He gave me the basic information and I am sure I will call him at least once while he is gone with some sort of question strictly pertaining to the puppy.

I'm just praying this is going to go well and I have no problems with the puppy while he is gone!  This week seriously can't go by FAST ENOUGH!!

hahahahaha!!  Remember this song?  

Who Let the Dogs Out? - Baha Men

Shut up

That guy.  I think you've all met him.  You could have met him anywhere.  

He is attractive.  He has a great smile.  He dresses nicely and presents himself well.  From a distance.  You make eye contact.  

He approaches you or you approach him.  He is still smiling.  His eyes are gorgeous.  He smells good.  

You get the point.

And then?  He opens his mouth and starts talking.

The thing is, you wish he never even started talking after about a minute or two.

Sound familiar?

I had this experience once again while I was at school.  Jeez.  AGAIN?! Now, everyone has different things that intrigue them and certain things that turn you on or off.  By no means would I even consider myself picky or say that I have a "specific type" of guy that I'm looking for.  Let me tell you though, he was NOT IT.

Well...he was going on and on about himself, from what he liked to drink to his birthdate and his entire life story.  Where he lived, his past two jobs, his favorite food, the sports he played when he was younger, etc.  There was absolutely nothing left to even imagine or question.  While he was talking, he would keep eye contact, but taking frequent moments to stare at his reflection in the window.  He was also trying to convince me he had some supernatural powers like those of a superhero.  What?  This was all in a matter of about 7 or 8 minutes.  I can't even believe I let the one-sided conversation go on that long.  I found the entire experience quite annoying, actually.  

It was one of those instances that is the perfect example of why looks don't matter.  

  I wanted to shove crumpled up paper in his mouth. Anything.  Hit him in the head with my textbook.  Something to get him to just turn off and shut up.  He wanted my number.  

He must have been crazy if he thought this was going well.  

At this point, I had given every indication that I was completely not interested besides actually coming out and saying, "I'm not interested."  Obviously, I declined to give him my number.  I had enough; I just turned around and continued doing my work.  Ugh.  Why does this always happen?! 

I don't like to waste my time, and that's exactly how this conversation felt, Like a waste of time.  Does this happen to anyone else?

Shut Up - The Black Eyed Peas

A Change Would Do You Good..

School.  What can I say?  It has been going great, and almost even better than I had actually anticipated.  I'm very interested in everything I've been learning and even the things I'm not so interested in learning, I still find myself paying attention and just trying to get my work done.  Now I know for sure that transferring schools and resuming my education was a great choice at this point in my life.  Everything can only go up and up from here.  I'm starting to find my way back to being the happier version of me that I used to know.

Which brings me to my next point.

In my past, I never took school as seriously as I should have.  I remember going to college with the "I don't really care, why am I here anyway?" attitude.  I went to class when I felt like it, partied and went out until all hours of the night and day, and just flat out didn't care.  If I was in a bad mood, if it was raining, if I was hungover; I didn't go to class.  You name it, it was probably one of the reasons I gave for slacking off.

 

 Never once did I think about the money involved, the time wasted, or how rewarding it would actually be to finish my education.  I'm pretty sure it was the time in between leaving school and going back that I got the wake up call I needed.  I partied.  I had part-time jobs.  I had a serious full-time job.  I didn't have a job at all.  I drank.  A lot. 

I watched people around me either completely hit rock bottom, lose their way, and stop caring about everyone and everything. 

On the flip side, I saw people have more success than I could have ever imagined possible, with their education, jobs, homes, kids, etc.

Well, I got over the bullshit.  I got over the excessive amount of time I spent worrying about my social life and other people.  I got out of relationships that were bad for me.  It clearly wasn't getting me anywhere.  Even though I tend to take the longer path to do things, significantly mess up, and learn things the hard way, I do believe everything happens for a reason and I am where I'm supposed to be now in my life.

Sitting in some of my classes, I do have those classmates that remind me of myself years ago.  They don't take it seriously.  They're spending class time talking to the person next to them, texting, surfing facebook, or even leaving the classroom several times to answer phone calls for 10 or more minutes at a time, if they even show up for class at all.

Its also interesting to hear some of the conversations they're having, such as  "I'm not going to do the work for this assignment" or "I'm still going to pass this class if I never come," and "I'm so bored why am I here?"  This of course is only a small example of the things I've witnessed.

Like I said, it reminds me of myself in my past when I didn't know how valuable or important my classes and degree were.  Its almost amazing to see people who remind you of the person you used to be, and didn't even realize the mistakes you were making or about to make.

Sometimes people aren't ready to come to college right after high school and I get that.  If I had thought about it or known then what I know now, I would have certainly taken at least a year off right out of high school.  It makes me want to share my mistakes with people.  I'm fortunate that I was given another opportunity to come back to school and try this again.  Not everyone is that fortunate or granted another chance to succeed.  I guess I just want to tell them not to take the opportunity to obtain their education for granted.

A Change Would Do You Good - Sheryl Crow

Take It to the House

So as I've been telling you, I was highly anticipating the start of this school semester.  Well it was Thursday, and it went so well!!!  All of my professors are great so far from what I can tell.  They're all really nice and they actually seem like they want to get to know you and help you succeed.  It was such a welcoming feeling!  Although it is somewhat a long day, I really don't mind it.  I have an extremely great feeling about this semester, and hopefully I'm right!  Also: I'm still waiting to hear back about the scholarship I applied for.  I'm thinking I should hear something about it this week, so until then, I'll just keep my fingers crossed!

Overall Thursday was a great day.  After I got out of class I headed over to Uno's to meet some friends and watch the first game of this football season.  Of course I was already going insane because football is officially starting, but I was also ecstatic because Dave Matthews played a few songs to open up the game!  

I've got to tell you - I have quite a few friends that work at Uno's and as many times as I have been in there, I have actually never eaten one of the deep dish Chicago style pizzas.  Crazy right?!  I'm still a sucker for a good ol' New York Style slice of pizza, but I can't complain.  It was pretty good!  They also have this dip there called Shrimp and Crap Fun-Doo, which was excellent!  If you go to Uno's and you like seafood, I suggest you try that as an appetizer.  

Well this is kind of all over the place, but I didn't have too much to say.  Now that fall is coming into full swing, I'll try and be more creative and hopefully I'll have more to write about.

OH WAIT. 

I think that the Eagles management should take turns kicking each other in the balls.  They should have never traded Donovan McNabb.  He is still a great ball player and he's going to get his.  They shouldn't have even bothered with Kolb.  He gets shook and certainly freaks out when the defense blitzed.  Once he got his little concussion, Vick came in and turned things up.  Even though they lost, they still gave Green Bay a run for their money.  I hope the Eagles think long and hard about their quarterback position and who should truly be starting.  Just my opinion.

And - The icing on the cake to a great weekend?!  The Redskins beat the Cowboys!! That totally 100% made my day.  The Redskins were winning the entire game and just had to hold and and make sure the Cowboys didn't score.  Thank you, #71, Barron, for your fantastic display of offensive holding.  No touchdown, GAME OVER.

  


Take It to the House - Trick Daddy

(Untitled) just a rant....

As corny as this may sound to some of you out there, tomorrow is the day.  It's finally here!  I start my first semester at my new college, and I am absolutely pumped!  The first day of school seems to always be interesting; it is filled with a little bit of nerves, curiosity, some familiar faces at times, and definitely plenty of coffee and cigarettes.  (I know terrible, buts it's who I am...don't judge.)  I'm really excited to get back into school so I can be productive and work toward something great!  I also applied for a scholarship so I am just keeping my fingers crossed that I am one of the people it is awarded to.  Otherwise, I'm still going to keep looking and see if I can find more of them.

Another cool thing?  I found out that Dave Matthews is doing a fall tour, which is great because I only saw him once this summer at Darien Lake.  I know that my money situation is terrible right now, but if the opportunity presents itself to me to go to one of the shows, I'm totally there.  He's officially announced that they are taking 2011 off from touring, so if I don't take this last opportunity in 2010, then I won't see another Dave show until 2012!  Right now this is definitely wishful thinking, so we'll see how this works out...

I don't have much to say today.  That could be a good or bad thing because I'm usually bitching about something, or expressing my opinion in some way, shape or form.  Sometimes its nice to not have much on your mind, which hardly ever happens for me :-)

I miss my....DOOR?!

So I woke up this morning, and felt the need to talk about something I have quite obviously taken for granted.  

A bedroom door.  Yes, I said a Bedroom door.  

 

I am still currently living at home.  The original bedroom I lived in had a door, but for some reason wouldn't close all the way.  It always stayed slightly cracked open. I was okay with that.  I got used to that.  At least I still had a door.  People could knock before they entered.  You get the point.

Well, I had to leave that wonderful room after we had received endless amounts of rain and my room flooded.  I wasn't going to deal with that again in the chance that more of my belongings were going to get ruined if it happened again.  So I moved into a room upstairs that used to be a home office.  This is not a typical room.  Yes I have a lot of my own belongings in there and definitely my bed, but a lot of my dad's things are in there from his home office.  Okay I've gotten used to that too.  Anyway, back to the main problem:  

This room does NOT have a door at all.

 The first day or two I was in there, I would dress in the bathroom.  That was short lived.  I dug out one of my tapestries and hung it in the doorway.  At least I could change in my own room and even have a little bit of privacy.  Or so I thought.  You can't knock on a tapestry.  My family members will constantly lift back the curtain and look in my room to "see what I am doing."  Well nothing major, but what I am usually doing is getting dressed, changing, having a personal conversation, or sleeping. 

But where is the privacy?!  Gone I tell you, GONE.  I shouldn't have to worry that I am going to get walked in on completely naked, or have people wanting to inquire about what I was talking about on the phone simply because they knew I was on it. 

There are plenty of times when I wake up and people are in my doorway.  It is weird.  Yes they are family members, but it still creeps me out when people are staring at me while I sleep.  All I want is a little more privacy.  I never thought I would find myself missing a door so much AND writing about it, but it has happened.  I miss having a door and I want one back! 

Since You've Been Gone...

So I find myself sitting here tonight and ((once again)) thinking about past relationships.  I'm not really sure if I think about them because I am constantly reminded of them, or because they are subconsciously always on my mind and I don't realize it.  Now that I have had enough time away from this last relationship, I have gained more perspective on it than I had before.  I think writing about it will give me that last breath of fresh air I have been waiting for. 

Don't get me wrong - I know for a fact (now) that we were completely and 100% wrong for each other.  Honestly, I think our connection came through music. And beer.  He played the guitar and sang, and I sang as well, although my fear for singing in front of people kept me from actually singing for a crowd or on a stage.  We also loved planning and going to shows together, and I went to all of his gigs as well.  

 

Football and Syracuse basketball was also important.  And the beer.  We could sit up and drink together all night, drink for drink, until the sun came back up.  Wow.  Then spend the day laying in bed sleeping and watching movies until we absolutely had to get up.  Wow.

Other than that, I don't think we had too many things in common.  That's fine.  In the beginning it never seemed that way.  We could talk to each other and had an easy time getting to know each other.  Typical. 

As the relationship progressed, I began to notice that he was using me and couldn't give two shits about anyone except for himself.  At least it seemed that way, and as far as I'm concerned, if it seemed that way, it really was that way. (It really was, and I was too blind to walk away.)

A little background information for you:  

I had a job that I hated, but I made a fantastic amount of money.  As a result, I paid for everything.  I had more money than I knew what to do with, so I guess I didn't mind.  If I wanted to go out and have a good time, him and my closet few friends always had a good time too.  My bad. 

It got to the point where I realized that my generosity was getting taken advantage of.  He was less invested in getting to know me, or spending time with me, and more interested in what I could do for him.  

Will you buy me this?  

Will you clean my house?  

Will you rub my back?  

Will you help me pack my car for this gig?

Can you buy me cigarettes?

Can I "borrow" 50 bucks? ...and so on and so forth.

I found this INCREDIBLY annoying.  If this had been any normal give and take sort of relationship, I would not have minded doing these things.  However, if I would have asked him to do me any favors (besides favors that benefited him like bringing me home, taking me to the bank, or picking up dinner) hell must have been freezing over.  It was convenient for him to keep me in his life on the regular and I stuck around because for some reason, I still cared about him.  SCREW THAT.  

Well soon later, I no longer had my job.  Money was running low.  We were fighting all the time.  I was annoyed.  I was heartbroken.  I was confused.  I was extremely upset.  I couldn't understand how it got to that point.  How could I let myself get taken advantage of and get walked all over like this?  It was more than obvious it had to end.  I stopped answering his calls.  I stopped calling him.  We have a lot of the same friends, and it got to the point where I stopped going out just because I merely did not want to see him.  

Out of sight, out of mind...right?  RIGHT?!

Since then, I've seen him, obviously.  As I said before we have a lot of the same friends.  Its amazing how differently you can see someone once you've taken a step back and actually looked at the situation.  Although I feel like part of this is my fault because I didn't realize he was an extremely selfish person and was using me, I could have never seen that coming because it was not the person I met.  I should have never let it go on as long as it did.  I would never be able to look at him with the light I had in my eyes during the first year we had met.  When I see him now, I have a hard time even looking at him.  Speaking to each other doesn't go much further than saying hello and goodbye.  

It disgusts me to even think that you could treat a person like they don't matter.  Now that I am out of the picture, it is obvious to me when he is using other people and taking them for granted, and it is sad.  When do people like this learn their lesson?  I wish I wouldn't have been blind for so long.  Am I supposed to say better late than never?  Because I'm not going to dwell on this.

Oh well, once again, I lived and I learned.  He was selfish, and I was stupid.  All I can do now is make sure I never get myself involved in a situation like that again. 

With that being said: I leave you with this video by one of my favorite female singers...who else?  Kelly Clarkson!  This song is perfect for this situation :-)

 Since You've Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson

Me, Myself, and I

So I've quickly gotten over the blues from not being able to attend moe.down this year.  Oh well, I'll go next year.  Okay, well as this week is getting ready to begin, a lot of things seem like they are starting to take shape. (Let's hope, anyway!!) It seems like there is a trend in my life where everything either falls apart at the same time, or everything gets put back together at the same time.  That's fine, but now I look forward to everything getting better again, ultimately leading to my long term goals.  It's been getting a lot easier to focus mostly on myself and take care of what is best for me first and foremost above anything else. 

School starts on Thursday and I can't wait.  I've never said that in my life before, and I'm really excited to be in this position.  No more messing around.  No more going to bars instead of going to class, and no more not waking up for class because I'm too hung over to even realize what time it is.  Been there, done that.  Although I learned some "valuable life lessons," I wasted a lot of time and money screwing around and not taking my education seriously.  

I finally know what I want to do with my life and can clearly see the path I want my career and professional life to go down.  Sweet.  Also, I'm pretty sure I'm so freaking bored sitting around day in and day out living this boring routine I've created for myself.  I need to keep myself busy, and I think being in school is going to be the best distraction from all of the other humdrum and trivial things going on in my life. 

As far as a part time job, it is at the point where I just need some money coming in to take care of some of the basic essentials in life.  It looks like I may be going back to the grocery store I worked at in high school.  No big deal.  I can honestly say it was one of the funnest times in my life, and since I left on good terms it shouldn't be a problem getting back in.  I'm going to know more about that tomorrow hopefully.  It's obviously not a glamorous job or anything, but at least I'll be making some money again while I am trying to finish up school, and I'm comfortable there.  (and of course, like I said above, it will be another thing to keep me busy.)

I figure the busier the better.  The more I sit around and don't have anything productive to do, the more I think about things and tend to over analyze shit going on in my life, which is completely unnecessary.  At least I'm feeling confident that things are looking up.  Giving up isn't an option.  Keeping my priorities straight and being successful are the most important things in my life right now.  I want to make everything worth it, so we'll see how this goes!

Another WONDERFUL thing about this week?  FOOTBALL STARTS ON THURSDAY!!!  Let me say it again...FOOTBALL STARTS ON THURSDAY!!  I am an extremely avid football fan and can't wait to get this season started.  I also play fantasy football, which just makes the shit talking and overall atmosphere that much more intense!  Super!!  

It's going to be interesting to see what the teams do this year, especially my team, the Philadelphia Eagles since they traded my favorite, Donovan McNabb, over to the Washington Redskins.  No matter what, I'll always support that damn quarterback.  I wish him the best and hope he has a fantastic season!   I've never actually been to a game, so I'm really, really praying this year I can make that dream a reality.  :-)

Me, Myself, and I - Beyonce

Breathe

Okay, so really, what am I supposed to say?  I guess I'll start with the usual: Sorry I haven't written, I don't know what to say, I feel like I just babble...blah, blah, blah.  You already know.

Well- that's pretty much the truth.  I still feel like I'm stuck in a fucking hole that I'm still trying to dig myself out of.  So lets do a quick, very quick recap on the past few weeks, since everything has seemed to remain the same and not much has changed:

School, One bright note: I'm still going, but I transferred colleges to focus more on what I really want to do at this point.  I'm glad I did it.  For the first time in my life, I am really excited to start this semester and work hard.  The new college I am attending seems like a much better fit and a lot less like a caddy high school reunion full of familiar faces and meaningless conversations.  YES.

I still can't find a job.  SHIT.  I hate being broke and it is definitely a struggle to pay bills with imaginary money.  At this point, I'm getting pretty desperate.  These days it seems like nobody calls you back unless you know someone that already works at the company or business.  

On the music side of things:  I haven't been to anymore shows this summer (well, except for The Machine, a really good Pink Floyd cover band, which was wonderful as usual) and NO FESTIVALS.  What a fucking bummer and a half.  I've decided that since I am more than likely not going to moe.down this year (unless I win tickets on the radio this weekend) I am going to pitch a tent in my backyard, sleep in it all weekend, listen to music, and get drunk as a skunk.  Why the hell not?  One last little "hooooo-raahhhh" before school starts up I suppose, and totally something I would do anyway.  No surprises there. 

And of course - what would this post be without me bitching about people?! :-)

So lets begin...

What's currently irritating me about people?  One thing that always irritates me.  People that break plans.  I have really lost patience for people who make plans and them break them, stating that they "forgot," or something came up, when you know it's not the truth.  

If you have that big of a problem making plans and not keeping your plans straight, don't bother making them, or get some sort of damn date book.  What the hell.  It's really not that difficult.  

Or if there's something you'd rather do, just be honest.  Don't lie about some petty bullshit.  You'll have a harder time remembering the lie you thought up and keeping your story straight than if you would have just told the truth in the first place. 

I seem to have taken care of that problem though, I just don't bother to make plans with people who have a trend of breaking them.  Simple as that.

Another thing I've noticed - I seem to be at that age where a significant amount of people are in serious relationships and are getting engaged or married.  Everything is just happening SO FAST!  I swear there are at LEAST 2-5 weddings and/or engagements per week.  

And even if I were actually friends enough with these people to attend their weddings, I would probably be the girl that is bringing a different date to each wedding  (aka one of my guys friends that I suited up and asked to accompany me.)

Believe me when I say this, I am in NO RUSH whatsoever to get married or even engaged at this point in my life, but I'm just saying.  It strange how time flies.  

One other quick side note: Sometimes it seems like people are on quickly sinking ships and only want to bring you down with them.  You jump I jump, right?  No, Not this girl.   

I don't know what has gotten into people lately, if they are just straight up that bored or miserable or curious or whatever, but people, calm down with the damn crazy ass drugs.  I swear.  

I am no angel by any sort of the definition, and I'm not one of those "d.a.r.e." or "Just Say No" advocates by any means, and I am usually one to just accept people and let them go on their merry ways, but the excessive use is just ridiculous.  Your brains have seriously = GONE.

They are taking people's minds over (well, obviously) and making them fucking crazy.  Or not even making them people at all.  There are sooooo many people I thought I knew that have changed, or just don't care anymore, or are seeing/hearing/thinking things that aren't even there or happening.  Like, what the hell?  Just get it together, for your own good...that's all I'm saying. 

Anyway - Now that I've taken a deep breath and got that all off of my chest, I feel much better...and at this point hopefully things are only going to get better...I'm really trying to make changes for the better, and worry more about myself (hopefully) and less about other people...

Breathe - Pink Floyd

Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay

Okay so I was getting better about writing, and I know I slacked over the past week or so, but with good reason!  I was on vacation (a MUCH NEEDED) vacation down in Ft. Myers, Florida.  We were there for a week, and I had gone with one of my best friends, her mother, and her best friend.  

I was going to write about the vacation and tell you all how wonderful it was and EVERYTHING we did (blah, blah, blah) but what fun would that be?  (And it would be seriously, ridiculously long.)  I actually noticed I learned more than the fact that I actually do burn, Florida has some crazy thunderstorms, and it is a beautiful place.  I'll keep that part short and sweet. 

We went to Ft. Myers Beach and Captiva Beach.  We spent a lot of time at the pools at the resort.  (There was a beach right there as well.)  

We ate at some really great restaurants: Hemingway's (THE BEST,) Mucky Ducks, University Grill, California Pizza Kitchen, and Wahoo Willie's.

We had our fair share of drinks; the bartender at the resort bar loved me and gave me free shots of Jameson everytime I was there.  We even found a place where we could play darts.

Let me tell you:  I did realize that I really needed the vacation to just get away for a week and completely not worry about everything that goes on at home with family and friends, the job hunt, and school.  It was a nice break to start to really put things into perspective and decide exactly how I'd like the next year of my life to go.  I just needed time to think, without my thoughts constantly being disturbed.  It was also the first time I went on a vacation and actually teared up a bit when it was time to leave.  


I've been beginning to notice there are A LOT of people that I would prefer to not associate myself with in this area.  People are heading down the wrong paths and just losing themselves in the mix of everything that could possibly be wrong for them.  At this point, I don't have much to lose, but I have everything to gain and I'm not willing to compromise that over making stupid choices, hanging out with the wrong people, or being in the wrong place at the wrong time.  I won't let people and the influences around me drag me down.  I know I'm much smarter than that.


Also: I really have the desire and the drive to succeed. 

I don't want to disappoint myself and have a life where I've accomplished nothing.  That actually scares the crap out of me.   

I really don't want to live in my hometown forever.  I'm over it.  Besides a couple of people, I really wouldn't miss anything about the place.  That was made obvious to myself while I was away.   


I could have stayed on vacation down there for AT LEAST another week.  Sad, but true.  Now it is over and done, and its back to reality.  I am glad I got to relax my mind though and figure some things out.  Time to make it all happen now :-)




(Sittin' On) The Dock of the Bay - Otis Redding

Right Through You

Well.  I must say I have realized that no matter what you say, do, or believe, some people never change for the better.  In fact, as time always tells, their true colors actually show themselves before you know it.  There are quite a few things I've realized about one person in particular (that male I was blogged about previously) that aren't good qualities at all, and that nobody should even care to deal with.

People aren't going to change, even if they know what they are doing is wrong.

They may say you mean a lot to them, but they sure as hell don't show it.  (Really, because they only care about themselves.)

They don't hang out with you because they know that they can't actually "get anything out of you," such as money, drinks, cigarettes, etc.  So clearly you must be of no use anymore.

They're ditching their best friends: important, relevant people, and also really significant events, (not me, their boys) for things that 99% of people would consider completely meaningless because they "forgot," or some other ridiculous excuse like they forgot the date, or their phone was dead or lost.

So, making up excuses has become "the norm."  What is up with that?  I don't get why people go through the trouble of making up excuses when it becomes harder and harder to keep their story straight.  Why don't people just flat out say, "No, I don't feel like doing that."  I swear, it would make so many lives much easier.

Which leads me to my next point: don't bother lying!  Why lie?  When you lie, you always get caught.  Then you look like a freaking scumbag.  Well, it may be too late for that, anyway. 

I know one thing for sure: NO more time needs to be wasted on people like that.  It's ridiculous.  

Stupid me for ever thinking that people change.  

Stupid me for giving people the benefit of the doubt to people when they have let you down time and time again.  

Stupid me for ever thinking that you can trust people who have broken your trust before.  

Stupid, stupid, STUPID me for letting this drag out for as long as it has.  

Anyway, I have really come to grips with the reality of this situation and the fact that this guy does not deserve anything from me.  In fact, I'm not so sure he really deserves anything from anyone until he starts realizing how selfish he is and stops screwing so many people over.  Be a real guy, a real friend.  It is truly unbelievable that people can be one person, (a VERY likable, wonderful person) when you first meet them, and then as you get to know them, completely show you a person you never,imagined them being. 

What a disappointment. 

Right Through You - Alanis Morissette

Plunger

Soooooo yesterday, we went to see Umphrey's McGee in Rochester, New York.  I love going to Umphrey's shows; I always get incredibly pumped up and have an amazing time!! 

Well, we left earlier (which ended up being later than we wanted to leave) and stopped at the outlet mall that is on the way to Rochester.  We actually weren't there long, and I didn't plan on doing much shopping.  It was a pretty quick stop because we knew which stores we wanted to go into to and exactly what we were looking for.

We got to Rochester around 5:30.  The show was at Party in the Park, an event they hold every Thursday in Rochester.  I was surprised because I thought that the venue and what not was going to actually be bigger than it was.  It was nice because we were able to get extremely close to the stage, exactly where I like to be :-) 

They had a band named Cornmeal, also from Chicago, open for them.  They were actually pretty good and I was impressed!  It was kind of like a combination between bluegrass and a jam band.  In my opinion, I really thought that the show stealer in Cornmeal was the girl, Allie Kral, who played the fiddle.  Holy shit did she kick ass!!   I loved it, and I would see them again if given the opportunity!!

Umphrey's came on soon after, and they started the show with Plunger, which I certainly couldn't argue with because I love that song and I think it is a great show opener.  It is high energy and definitely gets the crowd pumped up for whatever may follow. They certainly weren't lacking in the jam department, ranging from some heavy sounds into some serious "let's get down" funk, which was incredible!!

Some other highlights included an instrumental jam version of I Heard It Through the Grapevine, and other favorites such as Cemetery Walk and Andy's Last Beer.  Utopian Fir was great, and the crowd started to go insane when they did a "Super Marios Brother" tease in the middle of the song. 

I must say, my favorite moment was probably when they went from Alex's House and then ended the set with a cover of 'Baba O'Riley,' originally by the who.  It was fantastic!!  And remember the fiddler Allie I told you about from Cornmeal?  She joined UM onstage during this and totally rocked her part.  It was amazing.  I thought she was talented before playing with her own band - well shit you should have seen her fiddle during Baba O'Riley because she jammed the hell out!

So at that point, they went off stage and everyone was prepared for the encore.  Well What an encore because some people may have argued that it was actually another set!!  (I wasn't going to complain about that AT ALL.)  Everyone was still ecstatic after their first set ended, so it only seemed appropriate that they played on and jammed as long as they did.  They played Push the Pigs to Jimmy Stewart WITH the lyrics and ended the show with Cemetery Walk II.  I didn't want it to end!! How sad, but I was super glad we made the trek to go see them :-)

After the show we ventured down to an old favorite eating spot, Henrietta Hots.  We each ordered the infamous garbage plates and must have refilled our drinks several times.  Soon after we got on the road and headed home!!  What a great day!!

UM is going to be in Big Flats, NY on Sunday and in Buffalo, NY on Thursday.  Ironically enough I can't make either show, so I'm extremely interested to see what the set lists look like.  I have been waiting to hear them play In the Kitchen and Bright Lights live, to no avail.  So I will be somewhat disappointed if I miss that!!  And once again, for anyone who cares, here was their set list below:


Party in the Park: Rochester, New York - July 8, 2010

Set One:
Plunger
Visions of Parin
Plunger
The Linear
I Heard It Through the Grapevine
Andy's Last Beer
Cemetery Walk
Utopian Fir
Alex's House
Baba O'Riley

Encore (yes, encore, not second set)
Push the Pig
"Jimmy Stewart"
The Crooked One
Anchor Drops
The Crooked One
Cemetery Walk II

Also:  Want to see the some video footage of the Baba O'Riley cover?  Check it Out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R45S0UMLpgo