Paranoia in Bb Major

I must say...lately things have been really, really tough.  Everyone in my family and around me just seems stressed out to the max and miserable.  It makes me think back to a time when we were all happy, and makes me wonder how did we get here? When did this happen?  Are we going to get through this?  Will things ever be like they used to be?  At this point, I do have my doubts, but I've come to realize that having a pessimistic attitude certainly doesn't get me anywhere.  I have been trying to make the most of the good times I have been blessed with, and keep a positive attitude.  Although I think things are bad, I always try to remind myself that someone, somewhere else out there, definitely has it worse.   
I guess I just get paranoid that maybe, just maybe, things aren't going to get better, and in fact they are going to get worse.  Lately every time I think things are looking up, something else crappy happens, whether it is a fight between family members, backstabbing friends, an unexpected bill, or yet another stay in the hospital. 


On another note -tonight I had a really great conversation with a friend I've known since childhood and still see quite frequently.  We caught up on our weekends since we didn't see each other, and talked about the things to come in our near future that would cause anyone to worry, such as living arrangements, career changes (or in my case, a lack of any job or career at all.)  Even though we were talking about tough times, there was something about the conversation that just put my mind at ease.  I think it was just the fact that I could talk to someone and know that they didn't just hear what I was saying, but that they are actually listening. 


At this point, I feel like she is only one of two people who are like that.  (The other knows who she is and I wish I actually had the pleasure of seeing her more often, which isn't the case.)  Thanks ladies, I'll always be here for you too, but I think you know that! :-)


Another random thing - I have always been a big fan of birthdays, and I have by far always enjoyed celebrating my own.  Well my birthday is in 5 days, and for the first time in my life, I am actually NOT looking forward to it.  It's kind of depressing!  It has nothing to do with getting older (seeing as I'm not that old at all) but more like I am going to be living the day like any other day, sitting here looking for jobs and trying to consolidate my debt, which is the LAST THING I want to be doing.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this will not be the outcome, and I've been trying to figure things out so I can avoid doing that at all costs.  Hopefully I'll have a nice fulfilling story to share rather than rambling on about all the bullshit things in life that seem to occur.  All I want is to just have a stress free enjoyable day with some good company - is that too much to ask for?



Paranoia in Bb Major - The Avett Brothers